Remembrances/A Letter To My Father

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you. 
Exodus 20:12

Yesterday was October 22, and being the sentimentalist I am, I remember important dates. I find that I don't have to write some dates onto my calendar, they're just engrained into my consciousness. October 22 is such a date-the anniversary of my father's passing.
Below is a letter I've written to my father:

Dear Dad,
It's hard to believe that you have been gone 24 years. I am so thankful that you lived to be 82, and considering that you were 50 when I was born I consider myself blessed that I had you for 32 years.
I have some great memories of you, Dad, remembrances I cherish: the horseplay at bedtime when you tickled me till I couldn't breathe... you carrying me to bed when I was a little boy when I feigned falling asleep in front of the TV... the scent of your cologne...your amazing cooking when you were home. Your career managing restaurants kept you very busy and I didn't get to spend a lot of time with you when I was young. I find that I took your life span for granted, that somehow I never really considered the inevitability of your passing. I had so many questions I wanted to ask you, but I can't now. I knew that you wouldn't live forever. You had a couple bouts with cancer, but I did not rearrange my schedule in order to spend more time with you, especially the last 2 years.
I wanted to know so much more about your life but the opportunity never came. I wanted to share with you  the changes that Yeshua had made and continued to make in my life, and I know that you saw how different I had become, but time slipped away. I know that you did not understand my decision to believe in Him but you still loved me.  I was a newlywed and my job required many of my hours.
Although I wish that I could go back and do things differently I can't.
Today I choose to be thankful.
I thank God for you, for the love you gave me, and for those positive qualities I received as your son. I choose to embrace, cherish, and honor my memories of you. Today I only know in part, "seeing through the mirror dimly" as Paul said,  but one day "I will know and be fully known", and in that day I look forward to seeing you again.
I love you,
Hugh

Daily 184

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
Galatians 2:20

When I received Jesus as my Savior, I came just as I was, and He received me that way, covered in all my filth, brokenness, and corruption. I had no idea what it meant to be crucified with Him; I didn't understand what it meant to be baptized into His death. I thought that I'd just be able to put on the "saved and born-again coat" spotless and white, over the soiled personage of who and what I was, and that would suffice. 
His sacrifice, His effort, all to my benefit, yes, but I thought that I'd just coast along.
In the beginning of my walk, I thought just Jesus got up on His cross so I didn't have to, Praise God. Yes, He paid the ultimate penalty for me, but early on I had no idea there was a great transformation that would be required. 
He loved me so much He wouldn't-couldn't-let me stay the way I was(Romans 12:2).

"Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily,and follow Me."

Luke 9:23

I didn't understand that there was a cross, custom-made with my name on it, if I were to follow Jesus, I would be required to pick it up daily. Luke 9:23..there it is...the term daily, not occasionally when I felt like it, no-it is written just like the dosage instructions for an important medication. If I wanted to follow Him then I had to carry my own, just as Jesus had.  Only room for one.
My natural fleshy nature has to die if my spiritual man is to thrive. 
The process prescribed is not elective, it cannot be transferred or allayed. 
My cross...daily...
Maybe I'm stating the obvious here. 
To most of us the Scripture I am referencing here are well known, as we nod with acknowledgement. 
No pain no gain, we say.
Yet how many of us can gladly carry their own crosses as if to say through every painful experience, "Thank you Lord, may I have another..."
I know that in and of myself I can't; I'm just being honest here, but thankfully the weight of it is offset by the easy yoke that He has promised to give me to lighten the load.