Another Kind of Freedom

“Honor your father and mother”–which is the first commandment with a promise–
Ephesians 6:2

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
Ephesians 4:31-32

"To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
John 8:31-32

I loved my father. He worked long hours managing restaurants, and sometimes if I had fallen asleep in front of the TV, he would pick me up in his arms and tuck me in...even today I can still smell his cologne, Fabergé. I have regrets about not having more time with him but I loved him and did not harbor unforgiveness against him, I honor his memory.
My mother was a different story, though. My memories of her are of an uncaring, bitter woman who turned her own children against each other. Instead of building up my spirit, she tore me down, and said cruel and hurtful things. In the year preceding her death, I lashed out at her angrily, and I never forgave her. When she died I am sad to say that I never missed her, and I carried bitterness and unforgiveness against her. Although I forgave others, including my ex-wife, when I was saved, my mother was in a special category - The "unforgiveness reserve", in it's own thorn and barbed wire covered vessel, if you will, and it sat in a corner of my heart, and I was unwilling to release it. It has been only in the last 15 months, as I have surrendered to the Lord, and He has demanded everything, that I have been able to release this pain and unforgiveness. The pain was actually caused by what I had done, like carrying burning coals in my shirt pocket. As the Lord examined my heart, He asked me, "what is in that ugly awful looking vessel, way back in the corner, in the shadows?" (As if He didnt't know). I said," Not that, Lord! I deserve to feel this way, to hang onto this ugliness, feeling this way about my mother."
He said, " Well, actually you don't...remember my forgiveness of you, when you slandered and insulted my people, and said awful things about my word, and didn't even believe in me?"
If my mother was here today, if I had that last day with her again, I'd tell her that I forgive her, that I honor her as the scripture says, and I would tell her that I love her, just as Jesus loves me.
Forgiveness is freedom.