If 293

“If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever– the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. Then Judas (not Judas Iscariot) said, “But, Lord, why do you intend to show yourself to us and not to the world?”
Jesus replied, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.
John 14:15-17, 22

"Peter, do you love me?"

Like Peter, I can hear the Lord saying to me: Do you love me?
Then get out of your comfort zone, follow my commandments,
obey my teachings, feed my sheep, love your brothers and sisters.
When we truly love the Lord, a rule book is not needed because heaven's laws are written on our hearts. Everything we do is directed out of love for the beloved, the object of our affection, and so it is with Jesus. We are to live directed by love, not fear of breaking rules. Jesus said that the total of all the Laws and the Prophets hangs on the commandments to love God and our neighbors furiously, the way He did-and still does.
There are many around us today who are dead in their sins even though they walk- dead men walking- we are to take advantage of these "Godincendences" and share His love and our testimonies with them, just as Jesus did, just as we did when we fell in love with our "First Love", when we couldn't stop talking about Him.
So today beloved, remember who you are, who your First Love is...pay attention to divine appointments...
How beautiful are the feet of those who share the Good News...

153/A Testimony 84

“I'm going out to fish,” Simon Peter told them, and they said, “We'll go with you.” So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing.
Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus.
He called out to them, “Friends, haven't you any fish?”
“No,” they answered.
He said, “Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish.
Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, “It is the Lord,” he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water. The other disciples followed in the boat, towing the net full of fish, for they were not far from shore, about a hundred yards. When they landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it, and some bread.
Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish you have just caught.”
Simon Peter climbed aboard and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, 153, but even with so many the net was not torn.
John 21:3-11

"Restore our fortunes, Lord, like streams in the Negev..."

Paul had to make tents for a living, and I have a day job, too...
My vocation is a car salesman, let me add, a salesman who gets paid commission only, no salary, no hourly wage.
Like Peter, and the other fishermen colleagues of his, if there are no "fish", there is no income. On the 15th of this month, after toiling for 2 weeks, 10 hours per day, my "nets" were empty, I had only one car sold, and no real prospects, and I must confess that I had real pangs of worry, even though in 25 years, the Lord had never left me unprovided for, provision often coming at 11:59.
This area regarding our finances is my weakest link, the thing that I struggle the most is believing all of His promises as my Ultimate Provider.
Yet the Lord in all His mercy, met and meets our needs, giving me nine more sales, "out of the blue", just as He did for Peter and company on the Kinneret early that morning, provision coming swiftly and abundantly, suddenly, as they obeyed His direction, and just as He does for all those who trust on Him, even when things look bleak in the natural.


Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Matthew 6:26, 31-33

God is so faithful.

Forget Me Nots 222

When the Lord your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you—a land with large, flourishing cities you did not build, houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant—then when you eat and are satisfied, be careful that you do not forget the Lord, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.
Deuteronomy 6:10-12

And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, 
“This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.”
Luke 22:19

"Be careful that you do not forget about the Lord...do this in remembrance of me..."
These words are ringing in my spirit today.
How quick our natural fleshly desires can lead us away…
"all us of like sheep, have gone astray" Isaiah wrote, but our real lives are hidden in Him, He is the Constant.
Fishermen use lures that are shining and glittery,
and likewise our gaze can be averted by shiny and glittery junk.
Creation shouts with the glory of God,
all intended to be reminders of the Uncreated Creator Lover of our Souls.
Everything begins and ends with Him.
Today beloved don't just remember Him-
praise Him, worship Him, adore Him, love Him with all that you are.
He alone is worthy!

Sight (Blessings and Curses)

They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village.
When he had spit on the man's eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, “Do you see anything?”
He looked up and said, “I see people; they look like trees walking around.”
Once more Jesus put his hands on the man's eyes.
Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly.
Mark 8:22-25

This is what the Lord says:
“Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the Lord...
“But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him.
Jeremiah 17:5, 7

In the above passage in the book of Mark, the Lord Jesus restores sight to a blind man.
This person had never encountered Jesus before, but when he did, his life was changed in a moment, his eyes opened, and he saw everything clearly.

There are many who are "blind" and "deaf" today.
They go through the routine of daily life but they are in darkness.
They have heard about Jesus, some even attending church, but they have never had that life changing face-to-face encounter with Him, never met Him.
Jesus responded to the request to come give sight to this man, and in the same way we can call on Him today, and he will move at the sound of the voices of those who believe and trust in Him.
But cursed is the one who trusts in man; there is no counselor, no therapist, no doctor that can give us what we long for in our soul's cry: the abundant life that comes from trusting and believing in the Lord alone.

Nevertheless, there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress.
In the past he humbled the land of Zebulun and the land of Naphtali,
but in the future he will honor Galilee of the Gentiles,
by the way of the sea, along the Jordan—
The people walking in darkness
have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death
a light has dawned.
Isaiah 9:1, 2

Five Hundred 225

“By perseverance the snail reached the ark.”
― Charles H. Spurgeon

This post is number 500, my five hundredth since I was given this assignment to start writing by my Father.
This personal lesson has been all about perserverance and endurance.
It is hard for me to believe that I have come this far, and if at the beginning, October 2010, if He would've told me I'd still be at it, I would've questioned that statement.
Vince Lombardi said, "Once a person gets used to quitting it becomes a habit."
The farther I go into this journey pursuing the task I have been given the more that is revealed to me, mostly about myself-my own heart, and also about the heart of the Lord.
It has always been too easy, too convenient, for me to just "throw in the towel" when things get tough, or I am in an uncomfortable place.
On a recent day that I felt weak and tired- incapable of going forward with this blog, I asked my Dad, "why should I continue? It takes time, energy, and what's the point?"
Immediately I heard the response in my spirit from Him: "Hugh, I know your heart, every detail, strength and weakness, and I desire to show you what you are capable of as you move forward in obedience to me! Why do you think I directed you to do this? I assigned you to this task to show you that you can persevere, finishing what you started, with divine direction and help."
The Lord knows us intimately, and sees what is possible, even when we doubt ourselves and our abilities, when we only see ashes... He sees the completed work and the fullness of His plans for each of us.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139:23, 24

He began a good work in us and He is faithful to finish it.

Realignment

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9

The Children of Israel had been in the desert for nearly 40 years, those who had doubted the Lord had died off, while those who believed and trusted the Lord survived and thrived, and now finally was the fulfillment: it was time to enter the Promised Land.
Joshua was faithful to do what God had spoken to him, but here I catch a glimpse of hesitation...not doubting God, but perhaps battling fear, fatigue, the whispers of naysayers that were gnawing at his confidence.
Here I see in my spirit the Lord of the Armies of Israel (Adonai Tva'ot), meeting and facing Joshua, the Lord Almighty looks into his eyes, places His hands on Joshua's shoulders and pronounces this verse over him:
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Likewise, I receive and believe this word over my life.
He has commanded me to be strong and courageous, jettisoning fear and discouragement.
He will be with me, wherever I go, wherever I am.
He promised.

Forward

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.
But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:13, 14

This is the day the Lord has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Psalm 118:24

I cannot change yesterday, the events of the day are behind me, but in front of me lies my destiny, a day that the Word tells me to rejoice in, even in moments of trials, when the Lord is stretching me, refining me, all for my ultimate good. I will trust Him; I am a middle aged lovesick-for-Jesus man, and throughout my decades He has never forsaken me or left me begging for bread.
Trials are to be considered opportunities for joy, as I persevere, strain forward, eyes of faith fixed on Him.
He is my defense and I shall not be moved, and I will not ever quit, until that finish line is crossed.

Staying In Tune

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Ephesians 5:1, 2

Recently, we were blessed with a tremendous gift: a 40 year old Kimball upright piano.
The previous owner of the piano had been ill with a progressively debillitating disease, and consequently the piano had not been played or tuned in more than fourteen years.
As I tinkled on the keys it really didn't sound too bad,
nonetheless my wife made arrangements for a piano tuner to come and tune the piano.
When the tuner, a young man of about 20 or so, arrived and set up his tuning machine.
He started measuring the tone of each key of the piano against the standard of the tuning machine,
so even my untrained ear could hear how off-key, flat, the sound of the piano had become. After the piano had been tuned perfectly, this young man sat down and played a magnificent piece, and then he gave me a piece of advice about piano tuning and ongoing maintenance-inaverdently and supernaturally about life in the Lord: because the piano had sat for so long out of tune, some of the keys had naturally developed a memory that was off-key, and they would gravitate towards that familiar place. It would have to be retuned relatively frequently over the next couple years, until the piano had developed a new, in-tune memory.

To be honest, it is my fleshly nature to be cynical and negative, and I struggle with losing my joy when things become difficult. Unless I constantly strive to measure my self; my heart, my thoughts, my joy, the measure of my love, against the Standard of Jesus my Messiah and Savior, and imitate Him, and choose to stay in-tune, I will return to my "off-key" soul memory where I spent so many years, where the sounds I make are not those of "joyful noise" and praise, which He is always worthy of-amen!
Today, let us remember to measure ourselves frequently, imitating Jesus as our Standard,
persevering and enduring with joy, keeping our eyes fixed on the One we desire to emulate.

For Us 226

"What, then, shall we say in response to this? 
If God is for us, who can be against us? 
He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all–
how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?"
Romans 8:31, 32

Are you feeling oppressed, weary, had about all you can take today?
This word is for you, for all who call on the name of the Lord.
If God is for us, who can be against us?
The majestic, Uncreated, Father God is for us,
and although we may have troubles and difficulties in this life,
we are not forgotten, our troubles are seen and known,
He is our deliverer and redeemer.
We can take God at His word, and He is not a man that He should lie.
No weapon formed against us will prosper, He has overcome the world.
So today, I will remember: God is for us, no one, no thing can be against us.
Testimonies are being written, the same God who helped David slay Goliath,
shut the mouths of lions and protected Daniel,
turned back the sun as Joshua battled, and so much more,
has us hidden in His strong tower, under the pinions of His wings.
Beloved! GOD IS FOR US.

Moving The Cheese/ Another Paradigm Shift

While Jesus was having dinner at Levi's house, many tax collectors and “sinners” were eating with him and his disciples, for there were many who followed him. When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw him eating with the “sinners” and tax collectors, they asked his disciples: “Why does he eat with tax collectors and ‘sinners’?”
On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”
Mark 2:15-17

The last couple days the Holy Spirit has been working on me, turning me inside out yet again, and so I wanted to throw out there a few rhetorical questions about relating to others that He has been asking me:
When we say, "WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?", how does that impact how and who you interact with?

Does someone drinking wine a stumbling block to you, offend you?
How then do you feel about Jesus' first miracle where at the wedding in Cana He turned enough water into wine to fill 4,000 glasses?

What is your perception, your definition of holiness, and how do you perceive yourself?
Are you "too holy", too "different" to associate with different groups of people, whatever those exclusionary qualifiers are? Conversely, is your self esteem so low that you feel that you have nothing to offer, that no one wants to associate with you, or get to know you?
Are there unspoken qualifiers that keep you from others? Are they too young, too old, wrong neighborhood, watch the "wrong" movies or TV programs, those who still curse, over educated, under educated, smell bad, different political parties or views, or anything else a reason might be found that keeps us from relationships with many others?

If we are truly called to be imitators of Jesus, how can we act like Jesus, without interacting with others-all kinds of others, not just those who are just like us- like Jesus did? What does it mean to fellowship?
When Jesus said,"Greater love than this has no man but to lay down his life for his friends"... This means even unto death, but doesn't it also mean the actions of life and the relationships we establish, who we impact and who impacts us, in this life?
He went to the lost, the broken, the downtrodden, the forgotten, the different.
He did not forget.
In Heaven there are many mansions, but only one neighborhood-regardless of economics, race, tenure, denomination, nationality, or anything else.
Jesus draws us, considers us all the same in one most crucial regard: we all are in desperate need of a savior, the price is the same for each of us.
We are to love- God first and foremost, and then, those around us, each one and every one, who comprise our neighbors, brothers, sisters, friends.

Purposes of Fruitfulness

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self‑control. Against such things there is no law."
Galatians 5:22, 23

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled."
Matthew 5:6

I recently have been reflecting on the things that Paul refers to as "fruit", and how it is meant to be handled.
Why do the Holy Scriptures call these things fruit?
Fruit can be both food and drink, satisfying hunger and thirst, but not just for us...the ones where fruit is produced. If we keep it piled up for ourselves and do not use it to nourish and feed others who hunger and thirst it will rot, and accomplish nothing.
We are to give...everything that we have and are is to be invested in the Kingdom.
What is the Kingdom of God, and who populates it?
Our brothers, sisters, neighbors, whom we are called to love.
Just a simple word here today...
Take the fruit that is in your baskets and spread it around, there is more hunger and thirst around us than we may realize.

Simplicity/Like A Child

At that time the disciples came to Jesus and said, "Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, and said, "Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me; but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.
Matthew 18:1-6

Then some children were brought to Him so that He might lay His hands on them and pray; and the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, "Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
Matthew 19:13, 14

But Jesus called for them, saying, "Permit the children to come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all."
Luke 18:16, 17

Recently I watched a video interview of Heidi Baker in Mozambique. She was asked why she asked the children to pray for the sick, blind, deaf, and lame- and why so many received healing.
Her answer was simple: the children had believed in Jesus, taken Him at His word, they hadn't been ruined by the world, they did not doubt, their faith was pure, and their lives unspoiled by sin.
So are Jesus' instructions to us: Come to me like a child, simply and unencumbered.
No "buts", no irrelevant questions, no excuses...put another harsher way in Luke 18:17:
"Whoever does not receive the Kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all."
So there it is- no degrees, no earned entry, nothing except the faith of a child.

Chasing

"What does the worker gain from his toil?
I have seen the burden God has laid on men.
He has made everything beautiful in its time.
He has also set eternity in the hearts of men;
yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."
Ecclesiastes 3:9-11

This sense of eternity, a certain mortality is in my heart.
The sense that I must work, while there is daylight, resonates with me.
I recall some of the things my mother reflected on during the last days of her life. She was sick and knew that time was short, and she asked me questions, wanting affirmation of her life, and I remember her saying, "Where did the years go? I was just a young woman, with my life in front of me..." there were many "I wishes", and " I did the best I could's..."

We are to be good stewards of what God gives us, which is everything, especially our time. Eternity ...is set in our hearts by our Maker, our heavenly Father. He gives each of us our own talents to invest for Him...so short is this life, even what we consider a "long" life, that we turn around, blink, once, twice, and that's all folks! we are not to spend it, waste it, chasing worthless and meaningless things and activities that will rust and decay, or not remembered a day, a week, a year from now.
The Word describes this earthly life as a "vapor", and then we stand before a holy God who will want an account for what He gave us to invest for Him: our talents and our very lives.
So how while you spend, rather invest, whatever the balance of this life remains for you?
Consider it soberly yes, but joyfully, let your light shine, let your life reflect Jesus...it's not about us...it's all about Him.

24/7 or 1/1 (No Part Time Positions Available)

"Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may apprehend that for which also I was apprehended by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let us therefore, as many as are perfect, have this attitude; and if in anything you have a different attitude, God will reveal that also to you; however, let us keep living by that same standard to which we have attained."
Philippians 3:12-16

Being a Christian is a full time endeavor.
We may compartmentalize other areas of our lives: our vocations, our past times, etc., but the Lord wants every bit of us, our hearts first and foremost, and He wants our full time affection, love, and attention, 24/7.
He wants us cativated, surrendered totally to Him and Him alone, our only King/Bridegroom/Master, there is only room for One in our hearts, one Master, one Lover, on King.
Our real identities are found only in the Lord, the Uncreated Holy Alpha and Omega.
He wants us totally filled with the knowledge of who He is, totally filled By the Holy Spirit and controlled by our love for Him...so jealous and furious is His love for us, and He desires, requires the same love from us, His Bride, his Children.
This Christian life, meaning an all-consuming relationship with God the Father first and foremost-is a full time occupation-call it a preoccupation, an obsession even...
This preoccupation answers and solves ten thousand other lesser issues of flawed humanity.
We are not called to be 45, 60, and 90 minute one-day-a-week Christians, attending a man-scheduled service of 4 songs, a pleasant message, announcements, gotta-get-in-and-out for the next more of the same, sandwiched between breakfast and brunch, throwing crumbs at a holy and magnificent God who spared nothing, even His own Son, for us!
He wants all of us, our whole heart, all the time, and nothing less.
Whether you are affirming this in your heart or this is stirring or perhaps agitating or breaking your heart, whether He is calling you-or calling you back, make Him and keep Him your 24/7 Magnificent burning obsession.
It's what we all have been created for.

Reminders

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us
Ephesians 3:20

In myself I find weakness, dysfunction, inability.
Apart from Christ in me, the hope of glory, there is no good thing, but I know, I'm reminded that with Christ...all things are possible!
He drapes a royal robe of unmerited favor around stooped shoulders, exchanges a spirit of heaviness for a yoke that is easy and light, He moves at the sound of cries of desperation, lifting downcast faces and spirits.
He is able, ready, and willing to do more than all I could think of asking and imagining, so today...today I'm asking, seeking, knocking, and I will keep at it, thanking Him, right up until He returns or calls me home.

Victorious 227

Where shall our identities, our confidence, our contentment (or lack thereof) be found?
Immobilized by pain, sin, shame, dashed hopes, and broken dreams? Should we sit amid the rubble of broken plans and shattered lives, dwelling on "should'ves, could'ves, would'ves?
Do you consider yourself a victim?

"I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."
Philippians 4:12, 13

Our identities are found in our lineage, who we belong to.
We have all received the spirit of adoption by our heavenly Father,
we are the King's children, co-heirs to the New Jesusalem,
and all that is contained there.
Everyone who has been born-again has a future that exceeds anything we can begin to even imagine.
We are victors, overcoming by the Blood of the Lamb, and the word of our testimonies.
Troubles? Yes, but they are all light and momentary when kept in proper perspective.
With Jesus, in Jesus, everything else pales in comparison to His Glory,
His majesty, and the revelation that comes when we realize that we are always on His mind,
our names engraved-tattooed-on the palms of His nail scarred hands, so special are each of us to the Lord of all creation.
Give Him all your praise and thanks today.
Victorious.!

Listening

Purim is the celebration of the deliverance of the Jewish people in ancient Persia from near certain destruction at the hand of the Jews arch-enemy, Haman (the king's chief advisor) when the nation was ruled by Ahasuerus(aka Artaxerxes). The aspect of Purim that escapes many is that it could've been avoided if only the first king of Israel, Saul, had only been totally obedient to the Lord's instructions, long before . *
You see, hundreds of years before this threat had developed in Persia, God told Saul to wage war against the Amelekites and totally destroy everything and everyone, but Saul was disobedient, keeping Agag, their king, alive, (for a short time, Samuel took care of that!) and apparently others, because Haman was a descendant of these sworn enemies of the Jews:

Now go, attack the Amalekites and totally destroy everything that belongs to them. Do not spare them; put to death men and women, children and infants, cattle and sheep, camels and donkeys.’"
But Saul and the army spared Agag and the best of the sheep and cattle, the fat calves and lambs—everything that was good. These they were unwilling to destroy completely, but everything that was despised and weak they totally destroyed.
But Samuel replied:
“Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices
as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord?
To obey is better than sacrifice,
and to heed is better than the fat of rams.
1 Samuel 15:3, 9, 22

"After these events, King Xerxes honored Haman son of Hammedatha, the Agagite, elevating him and giving him a seat of honor higher than that of all the other nobles. Yet having learned who Mordecai's people were, he scorned the idea of killing only Mordecai. Instead Haman looked for a way to destroy all Mordecai's people, the Jews, throughout the whole kingdom of Xerxes."
Esther 3:1, 6

Deliverance for His people came because of the obedience of Mordechai, the intended original target of Haman's wrath, and Esther, divinely positioned for that exact time.

But there is another part to this story that we need to take to heart about hearing and obeying Godly direction. His Word is hidden in our hearts, administrated by the Holy Spirit, and if we listen to His still small voice, and not to our own fleshly way of thinking, we can avert the consequences of disobedience, which sometimes manifest disastrously many years later.
Beloved, listen to the voice of the Good Shepherd and follow Him.
Blessed is the person who puts their trust wholeheartedly in the Lord.

118

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
Let Israel say:
“His love endures forever.”
Let the house of Aaron say:
“His love endures forever.”
Let those who fear the Lord say:
“His love endures forever.”
In my anguish I cried to the Lord,
and he answered by setting me free.
The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
The Lord is with me; he is my helper.
I will look in triumph on my enemies.
It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in man.
It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in princes.
All the nations surrounded me,
but in the name of the Lord I cut them off.
They surrounded me on every side,
but in the name of the Lord I cut them off.
They swarmed around me like bees,
but they died out as quickly as burning thorns;
in the name of the Lord I cut them off.
I was pushed back and about to fall,
but the Lord helped me.
The Lord is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.
Shouts of joy and victory
resound in the tents of the righteous:
“The Lord's right hand has done mighty things!
The Lord's right hand is lifted high;
the Lord's right hand has done mighty things!”
I will not die but live,
and will proclaim what the Lord has done.
The Lord has chastened me severely,
but he has not given me over to death.
Open for me the gates of righteousness;
I will enter and give thanks to the Lord.
This is the gate of the Lord
through which the righteous may enter.
I will give you thanks, for you answered me;
you have become my salvation.
The stone the builders rejected
has become the capstone;
the Lord has done this,
and it is marvelous in our eyes.
This is the day the Lord has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.
O Lord, save us;
O Lord, grant us success.
Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.
From the house of the Lord we bless you.
The Lord is God,
and he has made his light shine upon us.
With boughs in hand, join in the festal procession
up to the horns of the altar.
You are my God, and I will give you thanks;
you are my God, and I will exalt you.
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
Psalm 118:1-29

Two-Way Streets

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. (Ephesians 5:1-2

The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’There is no commandment greater than these.”
“Well said, teacher,” the man replied. “You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.”
Mark 12:31-33

What is life without relationship?
There is no such thing as a one-way relationship. By very definition, the term relationship denotes a back and forth, giving and taking, loving and being loved.
It can be said that we get back what we give, which is why Jesus said, "It is better to give than to receive." - it's what we invest into establishing and maintaining anything that really matters..
It takes effort and investment, we all have commitments and demands on our time and energy, but all things in life that are valuable, especially building relationships require effort...they just don't happen. We deal with constraints- there is only a certain number of hours in each day, days in each week.
We are vessels of sorts, which I envision in the supernatural as a sort of teapot, with a spout and a lid. Both the lid and the spout have to be kept open though to operate properly.
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled..." there are forces, emotions, that can slam the lid shut and choke off the spout - selfishness and the spirit of offense, are two of these forces.
I have a heightened sense of awareness in these interesting times we are living in;
of my talents-and my deficencies. This is a season for introspection for me, a time to take a good look in the mirror, and I can't say that I am altogether satisfied with how I've invested into relationships that should matter.
If Jesus asked me the questions, "Who is your neighbor?" and "what does "loving your neighbor actually look like?", how would I answer him?
If it's not I who live, but Christ in me, then I need to let Him establish and manage my relationships.

Real Men Do Weep

Jesus wept.
John 11:35

Since Jesus had all power and authority from His Father, and could heal the sick, give sight to the blind, and raise the dead, have you ever wondered why then he wept here?

Lazarus had been dead for four days. Jesus had traveled quickly to get to his dear friend, and some that had made that trip with Him blamed Him, including even Lazarus' sisters, who wanted to know why it took so long to arrive, their expectations so high, feeling that Jesus could have saved Lazarus, saved them from their grief, saved them from doubting the ability of the Messiah to heal their gravely ill brother, that came as a result.
Jesus is one hundred percent God, and one percent man, and as a man who loved his friends greatly, the pain and loss, even knowing that Lazarus would soon be brought back, brought him grief also, and so he wept right along with the others.
Death can be compared to night, when the tears come, but our Bible tells us that joy comes in the morning-as a new day, life renewed and resurrected, and come it did, as Jesus called Lazarus by name, crushing death, despair, and doubt.
What joy must've come as the group looked on incredulously as a risen and restored Lazarus answered the call of the Creator, and what conviction must've come over the hearts of the doubters! One thing I am certain of: never again did Mary and Martha, ever doubt the Lord, never could they leave His presence, recognizing Him for all that He is and deserves.

Hiccups

Then Elijah commanded them, “Seize the prophets of Baal. Don't let anyone get away!” They seized them, and Elijah had them brought down to the Kishon Valley and slaughtered there.
And Elijah said to Ahab, “Go, eat and drink, for there is the sound of a heavy rain.” So Ahab went off to eat and drink, but Elijah climbed to the top of Carmel, bent down to the ground and put his face between his knees.
“Go and look toward the sea,” he told his servant. And he went up and looked.
“There is nothing there,” he said.
Seven times Elijah said, “Go back.”
The seventh time the servant reported, “A cloud as small as a man's hand is rising from the sea.”So Elijah said, “Go and tell Ahab, ‘Hitch up your chariot and go down before the rain stops you.’ ”
Meanwhile, the sky grew black with clouds, the wind rose, a heavy rain came on and Ahab rode off to Jezreel. The power of the Lord came upon Elijah and, tucking his cloak into his belt, he ran ahead of Ahab all the way to Jezreel.
1 Kings 18:40-46

Fresh from an amazing day in the Lord-the conquest of 450 false prophets, being instrumental in the breaking of a major drought in Israel, and running on foot in the power of the Spirit of the Lord, beating Ahab's chariot, he now gets some very scary and threatening news: Jezebel is fuming mad and she wants him dead. Elijah does what most anyone would do. He ran away and hid down in Beersheva:

Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, “May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them.”
Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day's journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep.
All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” He looked around, and there by his head was a cake of bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.
The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God.
1 Kings 19:1-8

Elijah had a hiccup... He was moving in power and strength as he believed, obeyed and trusted God. But Elijah was just a man, yes,a prophet of the Lord , but flesh and blood nonetheless, so when Jezebel's messenger showed up with that threatening message, fear and doubt came in, and his knee-jerk reaction was to get as far away, as fast as he could. The Lord sent an angel to him, bringing refreshment and nourishment, enabling him to travel forty days and nights to Horeb- to place where Moses saw and heard the Lord in the burning bush, and where waters gushed from the rock to hydrate a million and a half plus people. Horeb is a place of revelation, restoration, and revival, and Elijah had to travel 40 days and nights to get there.

I have encountered similar experiences in my own life. I have struggled as I continue to write this little blog, God is teaching me a lesson in obedience, and re-enforcing perseverance in me. I have been attacked, been unsubscribed, which is hurtful to my pride, which in the end has to be crucified anyways so I can move forward doing what my Master wants-not what I want.
I would've given in to discouragement and stopped writing already, because I have no idea who reads these, if anyone at all. In the end, if the Word is planted in one person and grows 20,30, 100 fold it is worth it all.
My obedience has been better than sacrifice.
So we move from mountain top to valleys, but then, back to mountain tops, with plenty of travel and process between. I have found that regardless of the reports, God requires I must have purity of faith, because without faith it is impossible to please my Creator/Master/God who is able to move the heavens and the earth, a Bridegroom who inclines His ear to us, and who will move at the sound of our voices.

Created for Holiness 295

In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble. If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work. Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
2 Timothy 2:20-22

The driver pulls up to the fuel pump with his brand new Ferrari.
He opens the fuel door and the label inside declares: PREMIUM HIGH TEST FUEL ONLY
Surely this driver, who has spent a great deal of money on this special vehicle,
who prizes it greatly, will heed this instruction, putting the best and highest purity fuel available in.

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Ephesians 2:10

We are vessels created for holy purposes, in God's image; the price that was paid for us was the highest price, Jesus our Messiah taking our sin, shame, punishment, and pain on Himself, for His and the Father's great love for us.
The seal we bear, as did vessels created for holy purposes in the temple of the Lord:
HOLY TO THE LORD.
Let us guard ourselves, our bodies, minds, spirits, and souls that we have stewardship over, zealously and vigilantly. Strive to filter out polluted and corrupted influences, do not allow them to enter your ears, eyes, or heart.
You are a holy and chosen vessel.

Weaponizing Saints/The Forceful

We ardently desire peace, but we are at war. We didn't start this action against us, no....satan, the accuser did, but the Lord Jesus will finish it, and we right there with Him, His soldiers. We are soldiers, but not like natural soldiers...we are highly specialized. We have been equipped by the Holy Spirit, given eyes to see things no night vision goggles can see, ears to hear things no super sensitive microphones can detect, a shield of faith that deflects missiles, wielding a sword of the spirit, the living and active Word of God, that slices through demonic onslaught with greater ease and power than a light saber in a Star Wars flick. We can launch prayers that are like guided missiles, going forth and not returning void, finding their designated targets in perfect timing.

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
2 Corinthians 10:3-5

Led by the Holy Spirit, we can identify, take captive, and destroy every pretense, breech and tear down every stronghold, and demolish every argument that tries to turn loose the "little foxes" (fear, hatred, misunderstandings, unforgiveness, and everything that hinders love) in our vineyards attempting to destroy the abiding vines (trust, hope, faith, belief on Christ alone)that we must have.

He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You give me your shield of victory,
and your right hand sustains me;
you stoop down to make me great.
JYou broaden the path beneath me,
so that my ankles do not turn.
I pursued my enemies and overtook them;
I did not turn back till they were destroyed.
I crushed them so that they could not rise;
they fell beneath my feet.
You armed me with strength for battle;
you made my adversaries bow at my feet.
Psalm 18:34-39

Beloved, love ferociously, advance forcefully...use the tremendous power we have at our disposal.
From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it.
Matthew 11:12
We are the forceful.

Focal Point

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."
Colossians 3:17

We live in a culture of mediocrity, where excellence is a rarity. So often so many want to do so little-as little as possible-of what they must do, so they can move on to things that they want to do. Most people are dissatisfied with their jobs-what they do and who they work for, as well as being dissatisfied with other various aspects of their lives.
The reason?
It's human nature to naturally focus on ourselves-what makes us happy, feeding fleshly desires, and conversely, we also focus on that which makes us unhappy.
The Bible tells us that the pursuit of happiness and excellence in life-job performance and satisfaction, personal life and relationships, happens when Jesus is the center of everything we have, do, are. When we do it all, live for Him we exude and demonstrate excellence and the pursuit of happiness and excellence is found in focusing only on Jesus.
He is the Focal Point.

Return of the King/ Coronation Day

“Say to the Daughter of Zion,
‘See, your king comes to you,
gentle and riding on a donkey,
on a colt, the foal of a donkey.’ ”
They brought the donkey and the colt, placed their cloaks on them, and Jesus sat on them. A very large crowd spread their cloaks on the road, while others cut branches from the trees and spread them on the road. The crowds that went ahead of him and those that followed shouted,
“Hosanna to the Son of David!”
“Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!”
“Hosanna in the highest!”
Jesus entered the temple area and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. “It is written,” he said to them, “ ‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’ but you are making it a ‘den of robbers.’”
The blind and the lame came to him at the temple, and he healed them. But when the chief priests and the teachers of the law saw the wonderful things he did and the children shouting in the temple area, “Hosanna to the Son of David,” they were indignant.
“Do you hear what these children are saying?” they asked him.
“Yes,” replied Jesus, “have you never read,
“ ‘From the lips of children and infants
you have ordained praise’?” (Matthew 21:5, 7-9, 12-16 NIV84)

Most people will agree that God's plans are better than our own, but there is the question of who sits on the throne on our own lives- who is the real King?
When we surrender our hearts to the the Lord Jesus, He doesn't just come in and "occupy" us, He is ascending the Throne room that he created solely for His dwelling place; inside the Temple, in the Holy of Holies-deep within our hearts.  
The term "occupy" has a flavor of temporarily taking control over something that doesn't rightfully belong to the occupier. This is the place that belongs to Him, this is the return of the King to his rightful throne. In my spirit lately I have been seeing Jesus storming into His house, His Temple(s), overturning everything that is unholy, out of order; everything that hinders love for Him and for others.
When Jesus came, He burned furiously with holy zeal and in the same way, Jesus also burns with zeal to be Lord of our lives-what's inside of our hearts. He doesn't just come in and turn over the tables, leaving wreckage behind, no, He rearranges everything -and that changes everything.
Beloved, is today Coronation Day?

Thoughts/ Ascribing Glory

What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us."
A.W. Tozer, The Knowledge of The Holy

“But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?”
~Jesus the Messiah, Mark 8:29a

What place in your thought life, your deepest places, does the Lord occupy? I'm not talking about what you say, but rather, does the Most High God occupy the highest place, front and center, in your heart, mind, soul, and spirit?

Ascribe to the Lord, O mighty ones,
ascribe to the Lord glory and strength.
Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name;
worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness.
The voice of the Lord is over the waters;
the God of glory thunders,
the Lord thunders over the mighty waters.
The voice of the Lord is powerful;
the voice of the Lord is majestic.
The voice of the Lord shakes the desert;
the Lord shakes the Desert of Kadesh.
The voice of the Lord twists the oaks
and strips the forests bare.
And in his temple all cry, “Glory!”
Psalm 29:1-4, 8, 9

Beloved, give the Lord His dues, He is our first and greatest, love Him furiously, be consumed with Zeal for Him- the same way that He burns with love for each of us.

Refreshment 159

"He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:25-31

In times of weariness, weakness, and dryness, refreshing and strengthening comes as we call on Him, and are reminded of the nature of our Lord. God, who is our Rock, our Help, our everything, as He comes in power, He makes it possible for us, those who believe and trust Him,
to dance on the heights, envigorated and refreshed.
Not only can we run this race, beloved, as we stay on course, but we will finish strong,
as we trust and hope in God alone.

Potential 296

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”–which is the first commandment with a promise– “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
Ephesians 6:1-4

In Eden, God warned Adam and Eve to stay away from the Trees of Knowledge and Life,
but He blessed them with everything else. All provisions, perfect health, ideal environment, even relationship face to face with God their Father. They were in a perfect world,and all they needed to do was to listen to the instruction of their Father and all would be well, but what happened?
At the first suggestion of the serpent/devil they gravitated to the only thing that was withheld from them, and it brought their perfect world crashing down. As a result they brought down on themselves and all mankind, hardship, corruption, separation from their Father and death.
Parenthood is daunting. We see reflections of Eden in the willful defiance of our children even from infancy. As parents we are charged with training up our kids in the "way they should go", but to do it with encouragement and discipline, the scriptures tell us "not to exasperate" our children- there is tremendous power in what we say to them. Our Father draws us with lovingkindness, the Holy Spirit will convict us when we fall, but who hears Him say things like: "you are dumb, ugly, stupid, lazy, worthless...you'll never amount to anything good"...?
No, God deals with us in love, He calls things into being that may yet to be manifested, our potential have not been brought into fruition yet.
As children, which we all have been and in a sense will always be with our heavenly Father, we must practice obedience,  even if we don't always agree. Children tend to think that they are invincible, that nothing bad can happen to them...but this word is a commandment, not a suggestion. The following verse reads "so that it will go well with you", meaning that if we do not obey, things may not go well, and our very lives are at stake, in much the same way that Adam and Eve's futures were changed dramatically for the worst.
Today in whatever roles in our lives this word applies to, let us listen to the voice of the Father as well as our own fathers and mothers.
Our very lives may depend on it.

Sex, Lies, and Liberty

We live in a culture of lies, fascades, deception and selfishness, and misinterpretations of biblical truths abound, particularly regarding definitions of liberty. Just as what became the norm in the declining era or ancient Greece, Rome, and Corinth, the jewel in the crown of this dark and Godless philosophy is what is called "sexual freedom". It is, however, nothing more than what the Bible warns us against perhaps more than any other sin: sexual immorality.

"Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more.
For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus.
It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit. "
1 Thessalonians 4:1-8

HE WHO REJECTS THIS INSTRUCTION REJECTS GOD. IF THIS DOESN'T GET YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE SEEK COUNSELING AND PRAYER IMMEDIATELY.

There is something particularly insidious about sexual immorality, for a couple reasons that come to my mind in particular:(a) the loss of self control that in itself opens the flood gates to a whole host of other sins, and (b) because of the spiritual and emotional mechanisms that God has engineered to be beneficial to us in the act of marriage. Sex apart from marriage creates and maintains bonds between partners that were never intended of any relationship outside of marriage.
We are to be sanctified, set apart from the world for holy purposes, not joined to it! These ties are hard to break, with good reason, and so as people move about in promiscuity, disobeying God, they heap disaster on themselves, tie themselves to sinful relationships, unequal yokes...the end results are tremendous damages- physically(diseases), emotionally, and spiritually.

"But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self‑control."
1 Corinthians 7:2-5

The Word tells us that those of us who are married are not to be selfish, but to put the needs of their spouse above their own; we are not to use our bodies or sex as a weapon against the other, and we are not to deprive their spouses. When sex is withheld as punishment or as manipulation, or for whatever reason, this causes emotional distancing from one another, insecurity, anger, suspicion, jealousy, and opens the door to a variety of temptations, which can lead to sexual immorality-adultery.

“Everything is permissible for me”–but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible for me”–but I will not be mastered by anything. “Food for the stomach and the stomach for food”–but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
1 Corinthians 6:12-20

Beloved, let us remember who we belong to, having been bought and paid for at an extremely high cost, His mark of ownership is on us... be sanctified and walk in holiness, love, giving thanks to Him who is worthy and has the best plan for each of us-as we obey Him.
This is where we find real freedom, liberty, and truth.

The Divider 305

“I have come to bring fire on the earth, and how I wish it were already kindled! But I have a baptism to undergo, and how distressed I am until it is completed! Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but division. From now on there will be five in one family divided against each other, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother‑in‑law against daughter‑in‑law and daughter‑in‑law against mother‑in‑law.”
Luke 12:49-53

"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double‑edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account."
Hebrews 4:12, 13

When I was an atheist, the limited knowledge of the concept of Jesus and Christianity disturbed me deeply. Before my salvation experience, I was irked and annoyed by Him, even then my very thoughts were being divided within my spirit. My salvation divided me out from an unbelieving world, from an eternal damnation in a fiery hell into the glorious majestic Kingdom of God.
There is a saying that goes something like this: "avoid discussions involving politics and religion especially with family if you want to avoid fights and division." reread the very words of the Master in Luke 12! If you were raised in an unbelieving family, do you remember the reaction to your salvation, and what happened when you happily announced it to unbelievers, the reality of Jesus was thrust onto the scene, into your family and social life?
Jesus will cause instant consternation and division, overturning tables, bringing about a similar reaction as when Jesus confronted the raging demoniac possessed by legions of demons, or other demon possessed people, all "hell" breaking loose.
Jesus came to divide light from darkness, the spirit from the flesh, good from evil, belief from unbelief, sanctification means to be set apart-we are set apart for His purposes and good pleasure-we are to be divided from worldly and fleshly things.
We are no longer of this world, having become sojourners, strangers in a strange land.
When division and upheaval comes because of Jesus, joyfully embrace it (James 1), pray as the dust is swirling, He is at work, ruining old paradigms, dividing and trashing idols, fear, shame, unforgiveness, and all manner of sins, when everything settles, unity that comes through Jesus will prevail.

Words

Today I am convalescing and am meditating on God, and His Word, His Magnificence, His Holy Spirit. I am overtaken by all that Jesus is-our all in all. He is the solution to every problem, and salvation is found no where else, in no other Name under the heavens:

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’There is no commandment greater than these.” "
Mark 12:30, 31

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
He was with God in the beginning.
Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.
In him was life, and that life was the light of men."
John 1:1-4

"His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me."
Song of Solomon 2:6

"In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple.
Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying.
And they were calling to one another: “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory.”
At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.
“Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined!
For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.”
Isaiah 6:1-5

"What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things.
I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ."
Philippians 3:8

"But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall."
Malachi 4:2

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.
Matthew 5:3-11

The more I seek Him, the more I find Him available and accessible.
He beckons to us to seek His Face, His fiery gaze is seeking to lock onto ours.
The greater the hunger and thirst, the greater the banquet, so sumptuous the feast He has set before us.
Do you feel His draw, the spiritual hunger and magnetism the communion that we are created for?
Either you understand me and say Amen, or this leaves you puzzled, thinking me a Jesus freak or perhaps even a fool.
Whichever your assessment, it is well with my soul.

Foundations/ Moments of Truth

“Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.”
Luke 6:46-49

Feeding on the Word of God, and being disciples, and doing what Jesus commanded becomes critical especially in times of testing and trials...when the winds blow, and the shaking comes. The moments of truth...when foundations that have been prepared, and roots that have gone deep as a result of the Gardener's pruning and proper "feeding" will stand the testing. If you are a young believer, or have been spared up till your reading of this post, or you have gone through your share already, be rest assured: the trials will come,
BUILD AND FORTIFY YOUR FOUNDATIONS NOW.
These trials will come in many different forms: sickness, death of someone near you, financial issues, persecution as a Christian for your faith, marriage upheaval, prodigal children, governmental evil in the country you live in as Christians are more and more becoming targets.
Beloved, eat the scroll, feed upon His Word, as He is the Word.
To eat the scroll is as taking communion with Him...pray without ceasing.
Prepare to stand and stay standing in every moment of Truth and testing.

Invaluable 233

“What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety‑nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety‑nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost."
Matthew 18:12-14

The Lord never ceases to amaze me with His love that is uncompromising, furious, and relentless.
He will never accept the loss of any of his sheep, any prodigal, anyone who gets lost, so valuable are each of us to Him!
We are priceless to the Lord, we are the reward of His suffering.
How valuable is He to us?
He was betrayed for thirty pieces of silver, but He gave His life up for us,
He endured a horrible death on the cross, while we were yet sinners He died for us,
offering us eternal life for our choosing...because of His great love for us.
How can we not be compelled, and love Him in return?
Let us set our love upon Him-hearts, mind, body, soul, spirit...on Him, constantly and consistently.
Let us do no less.

Resolve and Patience 303

Therefore be patient, brethren, until the coming of the Lord. The farmer waits for the precious produce of the soil, being patient about it, until it gets the early and late rains. You too be patient; strengthen your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is near. Do not complain, brethren, against one another, so that you yourselves may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing right at the door. As an example, brethren, of suffering and patience, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. We count those blessed who endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome of the Lord's dealings, that the Lord is full of compassion and is merciful.
James 5:7-11

There is no question that exercising patience, is one of the most difficult aspects of my life as a disciple, and most others as well.
The fact is that practicing patience is not a natural human trait.
We live in an instant gratification world, a world where twitter, Facebook, google and a huge river of data rushes around us; merchandisers hawk their wares, proclaiming that we don't need to wait, we can have it all now, and pay for it later, and then some. Who can even fathom the concept of a prophetic voice foretelling what would be realized 700, 400, or 100 years from now? The USA is only 236 years old, Plymouth Rock was landed not even 400 years ago. We are a people in a young civilization that is thin on resolve, endurance, and the concept of patience. Yet these are things that the Lord desires, I dare say requires we have, lest we go running away, falling short, at the first signs of disappointment, or stormy horizons.
We are to be patient until the coming of the Lord.

We have no idea, beloved, what this timeline looks like, but we need to know that the time is short. He will come, and when He does it will happen as a thief in the night, suddenly, but until then we are to strengthen our hearts, our resolve-and practice the art of patience.

Expressions of Love 297

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
Galatians 5:1

For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
Galatians 5:13

But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him. Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.
1 Corinthians 6:17-20

Spiritual freedom, freedom from sin, is gained when we join ourselves to the Lord. Jesus said that no one can serve two masters, that we will serve one and despise the other. The implication is that whether we admit to it or not we are always serving someone or something.
Freedom as a Christian can be misunderstood, and such misunderstandings have been occurring since the earliest church. Our freedom as disciples of Jesus means to do what He did and what He tells us to do- freedom from sin, but not to do whatever we feel like we want to do,Which is the spirit of this age, which means that our flesh, our bodies would then be the master over our spirit.
Discipline, from the term "disciple", means to a Christian that we walk in the Spirit, not according to flesh, we are spoken for by the Bridegroom. We are to love and serve one another, and if Jesus wouldn't take part in something then neither do we, especially since there is nothing done in secret that is unseen by our Creator God. We do not belong to ourselves, we belong to the Lord and He is holy. Jesus said that "He will be with us even to the end of the age"...
Let us remember that, beloved, in all times including hardship, testing, provision, and temptation.
We belong to Him.

Preeminence 234

"I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end."
Revelation 22:13

"...that in all things He would have preeminence."
Col.1:18

Recently I read an article by Stephen Venable from IHOP-KC that ignited something extraordinary in my spirit regarding beholding Jesus, or more aptly put, how we should behold Jesus.
Early this morning the Holy Spirit repeated in my Spirit, deep calling into really, really, deep, the word preeminent along with the scripture of Rev. 22:13.
The concept, or rather, the realization, of the greatness of the person and identity of Jesus, and how it affects our lives: actions, thoughts, attitudes, everything.
Jesus said that He is the beginning and the end, first and last...this applies not only to chronology/time, and sequences, but truly in everything. As we hunger and thirst, our fullness, satisfaction, contentment, and fulfillment are found in Him alone. I have found,though, if we are too casual, too familiar, as perhaps the Children of Israel who witnessed so many miracles in the desert may have become, Jesus may be trivialized or taken for granted.
Let us never forget for a moment who Jesus is, what He accomplished for our benefit, both in this life and the life to come, and let us behold Him, in all of His glory and magnificence, all the time, keeping Him as our one and only magnificent obsession.
He is more than worthy!

Too Many To Count 303

"Many, O Lord my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare."
Psalm 40:5

"So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge–that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."
Ephesians 3:17-19

Last night as I slept the Lord was speaking to me, reminding me of His faithfulness,
recounting His goodness to me.
So many are the wonders He has done for us, so many blessings, deliverance coming often at 11:59:59, beyond hope or expectations:
Providing my life partner, the spouse that is perfect for me, at a time I was not even looking for a mate,
Successful pregnancies, and beautiful children after a series of miscarriages and broken hearts,
Prodigal children who come home, falling in love with Jesus,
Serious diseases and illnesses healed against all the doctor's prognoses,
Finances miraculously provided, times and time again, when there was no prospect shortly before,
Protection from traffic accidents that damaged and destroyed other vehicles,
homes spared from hurricanes and tornados,
Restoring brokenness and dysfunction, and using us for His divine purposes,
And so many more...
Our Redeemer lives, and the plans He has for us are great ones.
Let us draw near to Him joyfully with thanksgiving, praising Him, dispelling fear, worry, doubt...his love for us deeper, wider, higher, and longer than we can imagine.

Fear and Trembling 298

"Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, ¹³ for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. "
Phil. 2;12-13

“… but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.”
Romans 8.13 

Imagine these scenarios:

The phone rings, on the other end is an important client of yours. You and your employees have just finished renovating his home, and the client is now informing you that he is missing things, personal property, from his home. The possible fallout could ruin your reputation, your good name and integrity is at stake. The only possible person who had exposure and opportunity is a trusted employee and friend, a devout Christian who is actively involved in his congregation. Upon  questioning him, he sheepishly admits stealing those items, but instead of coming clean, he lies about the circumstances, etc.

You turn on the news to see a breaking story about a prominent and trusted religious figure being accused of mismanaging his church's finances, or rampant rumors about his infidelity...

We have all seen the results of the wages of sin.  Misdeeds of the body, orchestrated by a backslidden, proud, and/or arrogant mind, that has failed to take every vain, empty, and dark thought captive.
The scriptures say, "So as a man thinks, he becomes."
What is the result , the huge cost, to a person, to those around them, and even to those whom they don't personally know?
How weighty the concept: "WORK OUT YOUR SALVATION WITH FEAR AND TREMBLING." It is one thing to be responsible for your own eternal destiny, how much moreso, how heavy the responsibility for the salvation of others, and the eternal consequences of having kept precious souls from entering into heaven, those who have been driven from the arms of the Savior because of the pain and hurt caused by the fall of one that was so close, so trusted, so dear to them?
Let us draw near to Him, zealously pursuing ownership of "the mind of Christ", and being conscious of our responsibilities as we work out our salvation daily...we are our brother's keepers.
There but for the grace of God goes each of us.

Focus

"Now as Jesus was walking by the Sea of Galilee, He saw two brothers, Simon who was called Peter, and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea; for they were fishermen. And He said to them, "Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men." Immediately they left their nets and followed Him. Going on from there He saw two other brothers, James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother, in the boat with Zebedee their father, mending their nets; and He called them. Immediately they left the boat and their father, and followed Him."
Matthew 4:18-22

"Another of the disciples said to Him, "Lord, permit me first to go and bury my father." But Jesus said to him, "Follow Me, and allow the dead to bury their own dead." When He got into the boat, His disciples followed Him. And behold, there arose a great storm on the sea, so that the boat was being covered with the waves; but Jesus Himself was asleep. And they came to Him and woke Him, saying, "Save us, Lord; we are perishing!" He said to them, "Why are you afraid, you men of little faith?" Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea, and it became perfectly calm.
Matthew 8:21-27

I find it interesting that although Matthew's Gospel records some of the disciples, upon hearing Jesus' beckoning them, immediately left their livelihoods, and followed the Lord, but just a short time later it seems that the cares of the world ("Permit me to go bury my father...") and unbelief ("why are you afraid, you of little faith?")had crept in.
In all honesty, I find the same challenges in my own walk, as I continue to run this lifelong marathon.
The Holy Spirit reminds me though: "Do not look at what is behind you, forge ahead, don't look to the left or the right, as taking your eyes off the prize will cause you to veer off your intended course."
The parakletos also reminds me (us)not to think with a worldly mindset, especially in difficult times; we are to stay focused, walk by faith, and not by sight.

Figuring It Out 237

"I'm so alone.": Headline cover quote of Kim Kardashian, Life Style Magazine.

I’ve been chasin’ the wind
Trying hard to win
A race I was never meant to run
Seeking for selfish gain
All the while using Your name
As a stool to stand upon
To hear mine proclaimed
"So many wasted days I’ve spent living for the dream
Seeking a life of comfort no matter what the means 
So many wasted days I’ve spent living for the dream
Until I finally realized that life isn’t what it seems
I finally got it figured out, true happiness can only be given by You
Jesus, most joyful man I finally got it figured out, my goal, sole purpose
Is to be loved by You and to love You in return
All that was to my gain I count it now as loss
For the sake of knowing You, Jesus, I forget what lies behind
I press on to win the prize  there is so much more of You, that I have to know
There is so much more of me, that’s left to give"
"Chasing, by Justin Rizzo

We live in a culture where success is measured in dollars, the posh and luxurious life. As I was at the grocery store yesterday I saw the headline above: Kim Kardashian's sad statement about being all alone. Here is a young woman with material success, fame, posh living, but she is hounded by emptiness, sadness, loneliness. I hear it and see it over and over again: the pinnacle of fame and wealth is attained, the ability to acquire every material thing along with it.
But from the depths of their souls this question is shouted:
"IS THAT ALL THERE IS?"
Beloved, the only Way to true happiness is found in Jesus,
salvation is found in no other name under the heavens or on this earth.
Jesus said, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."
We live for one purpose: To love....To love the Lord our God with everything we are-all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to be loved by Him, and to love our neighbors as ourselves.
To know our Heavenly Father/Master/Bridegroom is to love him, and to love Him, is to embrace His commandments, His word, and be led by the Holy Spirit, not our fleshly religious spirits.
To know God as revealed through His Holy Spirit and His Word, to walk with Him and hear His voice, and have the blessed assurance of eternity with Him when this life is over is the greatest treasure. Everything else is like garbage, worthless by comparison.
Lay up treasures in heaven which cannot rust, decay, or be stolen.

All Consuming Fire 235

"The Son, radiant Image of the Father's glory, proclaimed that He had come to cast a fire upon the earth and that He longed for it to burst into blaze. It was in the form of fiery tongues that the Holy Spirit of Pentecost descended upon a timorous group of men and women. Their minds and hearts having been enkindled with a burning love and ardent zeal, those who received the Spirit sparked the astonishing transformation of an unbelieving and corrupt civilization into a community of faith and love.
In our day the divine fire has not been extinguished. The consuming conflagration has not been contained.the proven incapacity of committees and clubs, speeches and surveys, electronics and entertainment profoundly and and permanently to change vast numbers of people for the better has to be conceded. As the experience of the centuries attests, true transformations in the world and in the Church continue to come only about through the intervention of men and women on fire- that is, through saints.
The evidence is overwhelming. It is alo widely ignored, for it contains an otherworldly wisdom that this world does not welcome. indeed at this very moment, deep and lasting changes in the Church are being brought about by a faithful few who are burning interiorly as a consequence of the deep prayer given by the Holy Spirit, who renews the face of the earth in ways other than our own. These quiet, humble, unassuming individuals seldom write position papers, and are not likely to appear on controversial television talk shows or to attract frontage headlines. They are not identified with an "ism" and they care nothing for a life of luxury or notoriety...they are like the saints that have always been...the burning ones are the unflickering light of the world, the savory salt of the earth, the lively leaven in the mass."
- Thomas Dubay, FIRE WITHIN

“I have come to bring fire on the earth, and how I wish it were already kindled!"
Luke 12:49

There is a fire that is burning in the hearts of those who hunger and thirst after the "All Consuming Fire", and this fire is being released across the earth, in the hearts of saints everywhere. There is a breakthrough coming as everyday people who are tired of "same old same old" are diving deeper, acknowleding the call to prayer and the desire to imitate Jesus, their dried out souls are perfect kindling for the Holy Spirit to ignite the fire within them, to set ablaze their inner man. A generation tired of tv shows, movies, and all manner of entertainment, who are beholding Jesus in all His magnificence are burning, hungering, and thirsting for the only One who will ever satisfy us.
Today beloved, if you are wondering what has been missing, if you are hungering and thirsting, shut down those distractions, get away into your prayer closet, confess your dryness and emptiness, ask for His Spirit to be poured out without measure and get ready to receive it.

Falling Like Flies/Remembering The Heights

Tonight my wife and I ran across the names of people we once attended church with, we found them on youTube- they are musicians, and once led worship at our former church.
On their website their music is all secular, there is a video about the story of their lives, and there is no mention of God, their former(?)faith...nothing.
Remember the heights from which you have fallen.
I wish this were a rare story, but as I take a look around I see the wreckage of once strong Christian lives scattered and strewn about like the once powerful Egyptian armies after the Israeli Defense Forces destroyed them in the Six Day War, leaving nothing but carnage behind.
A valley of dry bones.

"Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved."
Matthew 24:12, 13

Take a look around...if you have been walking with the Lord, running this race, been in "the Lord's army" for a while I am sure you can relate. Many have been deceived, fallen from the heights, backslidden and fallen out of relationship with their First Love:

"Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place."
Revelation 2:4, 5

When a season of refining and pruning comes, when we stumble and fall down, when we have opened doors that we know should never have been unsealed, we get back up,repent, close those doors and nail them shut, take a deep breath, cast aside fear, discouragement, unforgiveness, hatred, lust, unbelief, we keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. We continue to "eat the scroll", stay in His Holy Word daily, we keep on praying and seeking Him....he who endures to the end will be saved. HE WHO ENDURES TO THE END WILL BE SAVED.
This implies that those who do not endure to the end will be lost...LOST!
There is nothing in this world that will give lasting satisfaction-ever.
There is no other place to go to, no other name under heaven by which we can or will be saved.
The only one we must be surrendered to, and stay that way, is the Lord Jesus;
His will, His ways, not our own.
Beloved, do not turn to the left or the right, stayed focused on the Lord Jesus, all day, everyday, He is to be our Magnificent Obsession...it is no different for us in this regard than it was for the children of Israel, in every generation,
we are being warned to love and worship the Lord our God only.
Be bold and courageous, love fiercely, be vigilant and wary against the wiles of our enemy, do not tread where Christians aren't supposed to go, crucify those dark secrets no one knows about except Jesus, remember that we are in an ongoing war till the end that we will win but-
We must never never never never never give up.

Vance Havner said, "Show me a Christian whose Bible is falling apart, and I'll show you a Christian whose life isn't."

Picking and Choosing 236

"Has the LORD as much delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices
As in obeying the voice of the LORD?
Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice,
And to heed than the fat of rams.
For rebellion is like the sin of divination,
and arrogance like the evil of idolatry."
1 Samuel 15:22-23a


Although Saul made many sacrifices on the altar to God, he had failed to obey the word of the Lord in its entirety. In this passage (1 Samuel 15) he succumbed to the will of the people, choosing to have selective obedience, picking and choosing from what he had been commanded to do by the Lord.
Selective obedience also means selective disobedience.
What are synonyms for disobedience?
Rebellion...arrogance...pride...these are the seeds of the harvest of downfall and destruction, individually and corporately.

I heard Lou Engle ask the question, "What if Jesus had chosen to be selectively disobedient on just one point? What if He chose to turn the stone into bread (which He was capable of) at the devil's command?

The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”
Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”
Matthew 4:3-4

Just as Saul's kingship was torn away from him, Jesus' authority would've been tainted, nullified, because of sin, and our salvation shattered.
Jesus, the Son of the Living God, understands total obedience, and we can too. The Lord Jesus pronounced over us, " Greater things than these shall you do" ...

Beloved, listen to the voice of the Good Shepherd, do not shrink back.
Total obedience is the requirement.
Do not trivialize or diminish the commands of the Lord, or any prophetic word spoken over you, even if it was years ago but has not been fulfilled yet.
Obedience is better than sacrifice.

The Plumb Line

Recently I watched a movie about a well known wealthy movie producer, Tom Shadyac, who had a traumatic concussion. The injury caused medical and mental conditions that he eventually recovered from, but these events caused him To take a look around, and to ask profound life questions:
A) What is wrong with the world we live in? and B) What can I do about it?
These are important questions but in all of this and his quest for answers and truth, he still missed it.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.
Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God– children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God."
John 1:1-4, 10-13

Jesus *said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me.
John 14:6

Tom visited with all types of spiritual people, philosophers and scientists.
But he never asked more basic profound existential questions:
"Who am I, what is my purpose, why was I created"
"How did all of this get here?
"What is real peace and fulfillment and where is it found?"
In this film he never expresses thoughts about God.

Jesus is the beginning, and He is the end, the Alpha and the Omega!
He created all things, maintains all things, He is the foundation, plumb line, Cornerstone,
He is everything. But that is just the "tip of the iceberg"... We are His masterpiece, His greatest creation, He didn't just make us because He was bored, the Lord created us to commune with Him, and dwell in relationship, face to face, heart to heart, with Him.
We can love, because He loved us first, and it was because of His great love for us that He endured the shame and pain of the cross.
This was the point of breakthrough for me, as I believe it will be for Tom, when I was looking for the answers to those mysterious profound questions. The Lord Jesus' great love for me, how desperately and jealouly He loves us, and how He is mindful of each of us, even while we are/were yet "far away from home".
Abundant, joyful, fulfilled living is wrapped up in relationship with Jesus. Only He can satisfy, sweeping away disillusion, deception, emptiness, satisfying our deepest cravings, the last piece of the puzzle we call "life".

Excellence

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."
1 Corinthians 10:31

Jesus said, "By their fruit you will know them."
The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self‑control.
How do all these things combine to manifest in our lives?
What will others see in us in the marketplace, offices, construction sites, classrooms, highways, malls, wherever our workplace is, wherever we happen to be?
Jesus is our King ...We call Him Lord, He is to be our Master in all we do and pursue....our excellence for the Most Excellent One, our best, our utmost for His Highest.
Today, let God's glory shine through you and in you, through every word that comes from your mouth, and through every action, no matter how seemingly trivial, let it shout:
UNTO YOU LORD, MY UTMOST FOR YOU, MY MASTER, MY KING, YOU ARE WORTHY

The Search

My testimony goes something like this: as an atheist I chased relationships, constantly hunting for the one that would satisfy that gaping chasm of a hole inside of me, that would give me a lasting sense of completeness, value, worth...and give me the answer to the question of why I was created and who I am.
The thing is that the more intimate relationships I had, the bigger that hole got, and I didn't realize it at the time, but the search was getting more desperate, I was getting more desperate. There was great personal expense: divorce, hepatitis B transmitted through intimate contact, ulcers, emotion scars, and physical ones, too, from fits of rage, and self mutilation.
I could deny everything that had anything to do with God, but when I finally surrendered in the end, after exhausting every other possibility, it was the Lord that was there to catch me, and falling into His arms in faith, and trusting Him, I realized the Answer, and the fact that it was right in front of me the whole time.
I was created to dwell in relationship with Him first, and this Holy ordained relationship is the only one that could fill this chasm, finally my search was over.

"The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities–his eternal power and divine nature–have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.
For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.
Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator–who is forever praised. Amen.
Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.
Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God‑haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.
Romans 1:18-32